Ok, so life resumed so sense of normalcy today. I woke up at a normal time and went back to work. Since my job is basically a desk job and my husband is my boss I have a lot of flexibility. I am not tied to my desk all day and can pretty much come and go within reason when it comes to running kids around and picking my daughter up from school. It was nice to be back even if my desk was overflowing with paperwork. It actually didn't take that long to get it under control and I was able to get my "flat billing" out.
I am having quite a bit of cramping on and off in my lower abdomen, mostly it stays on the right side. The same side that has always bothered me since the cornual pregnancy 2 years ago. All tests show that there are no blockages so no one is sure why I have the recurrent pain. I have been taking Tylenol with my RE's ok to manage the pain and sometimes for short measures I use a heating pad set on low on the right side. I don't leave it on for more than 5 minutes and I use the lowest setting so I really don't think I am doing any harm, after all the embryos have yet to implant as of today and I use it in the area where my right ovary is not directly over my uterus.
I am kind of hibernating from people since last Thurs. the day of the retrieval. I talked freely to friends and family about our struggle with infertility, I didn't want to perpetuate the stigma by remaining silent about our struggles. I appreciate the sympathy, empathy, support, concern and curiosity expressed by all, but sometimes I just need to keep it to myself for a bit. Sometimes I just don't want to answer questions, explain or protocol, etc. I don't want to feel alone in our journey and I want to be helpful to others that might experience infertility, and I have a hard enough time feeling like I fit in the infertility box. But, sometimes it has to just be mine. Not even hubby's, not to be selfish, but it's my body going through this whole process and sometimes I have to stake a few moments with it by myself. That is where I am now, trying not to over analyze every twinge, trying not to count the minutes till Feb 7th, trying to feel positive yet not get my hopes so high that I am crushed. Sometimes all of that requires that I hide in my cocoon for a little bit of each day....not only am I maybe, possibly growing a baby, maybe 3 of them, but I am also trying to grow myself some wings. In case I have 3 babies I might need them to fly away for a few minutes for some baby free time....LOL
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