Saturday, January 21, 2012


I'm tired, so very tired, deep down in my bones aching tired. I haven't been home in over 6 months, I haven't slept in my own bed in over 6 months. I have not exhaled in over 6 months, I've been holding my breath, hoping, praying that things would change. I have been carrying the weight of this sadness day in and day out, through the evening hours till twilight and eventually sunrise, until my body gives out and my mind shuts down for self-preservation.
My husband filed for divorce 6 months ago, he refuses to communicate with me. Mediation today did not go as I had hoped and prayed, it went nothing like I thought it would go. I feel gypped, silenced, with no voice, no say in my own life, in our marriage. Infertility treatments led me to this point in my path of life, and guess what. It was not worth it, I have empty arms, a husband who swore to me that no baby was not a deal breaker, that we were forever only to find out that forever and for better or worse was an illusion. Infertility treatments almost took my sanity, my right fallopian tube, and 3 years later it is trying to end my marriage, not because there is no baby, but because I lost myself. I've finally found me and he says to others that it is too late, but how can you know that without trying?

My journey with family & age related secondary infertility