Tuesday, February 19, 2008

What I get out of this

What do I get out of this blog? Up till this point I have no clue if I am the only person that sees my words, sometimes I go back and re-read. So don't get feedback, at least not yet, and although it would be nice it is not essential. I write this blog for me, to give me a place to empty my brain, to keep my thoughts organized, to remind myself of the triumphs and disappointments I face in life. A record for myself and hopefully one day a record for my child that I hope to conceive with my hubby, and for my two children so that one day they might understand that it is because of them and how much I love them that I so badly want to be a Mother again.

After tonight I have another example of why I have the most amazing husband in the world. Today at work my SIL stops by with my two nephews to give me a card from her camera so I can work on something for her and my brother. My nephews are amazing, E-1 is 2 1/2 yrs old and E - 2 is 6 months old. In total I have 6 nephews and 3 nieces. Anyway, I asked if I could take E-1 with me to pick up my two children from friends houses. SIL gladly let me take him as she had to grocery shop and it was a break for her. E-1 was thrilled to ride with his Aunt (DVD player in van) and was excited to see his two cousins. So after all is said and done and we eat dinner with hubby, my Mom and Dad the kids and I take E-1 home to his house. I had the opportunity to take a peek in E-2's room and noticed he did not have a mattress pad on his crib mattress and mentioned to SIL that it could play a role in why E-2 does not sleep well and wakes often. So we decide to change sheets and put on mattress pad too. At this point I see that the rail that slides up and down is broken, it moves freely up and down with no safety latch and also it is broken and not on track so the whole rail swings free on the left side. I freaked in a calm way. SIL said my brother rigs it to keep it stable. You see the crib was handed down from one of my sisters, actually not very old, but it seems my niece was a little rough on it. SIL's crib from E-1 was worn out so they accepted this hand-me-down. I just could not let my nephew sleep in it, SIL said as soon as they got their tax refund they were buying a new crib. I called hubby and asked him to get my crib from the the attic that I used with my children. It was late, he was tired, but he did it and then he and my brother took the old crib apart and put together mine. Let me just say I taken apart and put together this crib numerous times alone. Without instructions and having never put a crib together before, my wonderful hubby had that crib together correctly in no time. I told him that he was meant to be a Dad, I have to believe that God wants him to be a Dad from scratch.

By the way, I thought my pain was gone, it isn't.

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My journey with family & age related secondary infertility