Sunday, February 24, 2008

Biding time

For now we are just biding our time. My appt. for Lap. surg is scheduled for April 10th and there is not alot I can do until then. We received my letter from the RE today, it outlines my pre pre-op instructions. I have a pre-op appt and lab work to get done but that isn't till the beginning of April. The past few days hubby and I have been having some wonferfully open in depth conversations about this process and where we are and what we want out of it. Ultimately we both want the same thing. We both want a baby that is genetically linked to both of us. Where we are different: Hubby's desire for a baby no matter what is greater than his desire to have a baby linked to both of us genetically (maybe because his genes aren't at stake), My desire for a baby genetically linked to both of us is greater than my desire to have a baby no matter what (probably because my genes are at stake) I explained to him that my emotions are like a flag waving in the wind, I go from one extreme to the other. After my Lap. surg and after my blood work and the time comes to make a decision I know that it wont take me years to decide, by that point I will know where I am at and I will be able to make the decision and be ok with it even if it makes me a little sad. If we choose to use donor eggs I am not sure I will reveal that even here in this blog. I think that I will have to respect the mutual decision hubby and I make to keep that info between ourselves and our RE and no one else. I couldn't risk someone finding out before our child finds out.
My pain is still there or rather it comes and goes consistently throughout the day as usual.

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My journey with family & age related secondary infertility