Shake it off

I can't seem to shake this feeling of sadness and failure. I honestly did not realize that IVF failure would be this devastating to me. I guess I assumed because I already have two healthy kids, a loving husband, a beautiful home, and a great family, I assumed that I would be ok whatever the turnout. Hubby kept telling me that the result would not make or break us and I believed him then and still do. But what about me? It's breaking me. I have not felt this "kicked in the gut" since I was in the middle of my divorce almost 9 yrs ago. I feel like I am dying inside, I feel like the death of my fertility has occurred and I am so unprepared to give up. We haven't even met with the RE for our follow - up appt. yet and I feel so dismal. I am so afraid he will tell me it is hopeless and we are wasting our time and money, or worse that he will refuse to help me anymore. Then I flip and spend my time researching my pain and I keep coming back to the fact that my eggs were great quality, that all 7 fertilized, all 7 divided and although we had none to send to cryo we had 3 6-7 cell embryos transferred. Everything was headed straight for success and blam!!! I am now leaning toward the opinion that there is probably scar tissue in the upper right corner of my uterus where my right fallopian tube enters into the uterus. I am feeling pain in the area as I type. I have let this feeling linger for 2 yrs, the feeling that something is wrong, it wasn't there before the pregnancy 2 yrs ago. After the HSG showed no blockages and the RE seemed to be happy with those results I kind of relaxed my guard about the pain. I didn't want to believe it could be relevant and now I think it is. I have mentioned periodically to the RE and he has been non-committal. but I think that is because I have not been forceful enough in mentioning it, its more in passing. Probably because I was so engrossed in the process of the meds and ultra-sounds and monitoring. Now its time to get serious and I cannot wait for the appt. on Feb 20th. I need hope. By the way the bombardment of pregnancy, baby, fertility/infertility is getting worse. I feel like the universe is telling me something