I cry

I cry and cry, usually the crying starts because of something unrelated to the failure of the IVF. My emotions are all over the place. It feels like everyone expects me to just pick up and keep going as if everything is great. I get words of compassion and sympathy from friend and family, its nice and appreciated but its a constant reminder of the failure and it feels like a punch in the gut. I spend my time trying to show gratitude and hold the tears back. I am drained at the end of the day, not only from all this heavy bleeding but also because I spend all day with my public face on. Why is it that no one gets it? I am grieving this failed IVF and trying to hold onto hope for my future fertility. I told hubby tonight that I need him to have a positive attitude when we go for our follow-up appt. with the RE on Feb 20th. He says he will, and he wont have any preconceived opinions until after he hears the Dr. out. But, what I want from him...I want him to fight for our fertility. I want him to fight for another chance to conceive a child/children. I don't want to be the only one fighting for us. He says he still wants a child, but he is more accepting of the possibility that it might not work. I on the other hand am not accepting. Failure is NOT an option. I feel deep in my heart that I am supposed to be a Mother again, that I am supposed to get pregnant again. More than ever I am getting bombarded with pregnancy/babies etc. It could be that I am more sensitive, but I doubt it. We have been trying for over 2 years to get pregnant and in all that time I have never been this surrounded by fertility.
It comes down to my faith in my reproductive capabilities. My eggs are good, I have good ovarian reserve, I tolerate the meds well and am a decent responder. Hubby has good sperm, all my eggs and his sperm fertilized in the dish with no help, the embryos divided well, and we were able to transfer 3 embryos. So far so good, but then they didn't stick. Could it be a uterus issue? Is my uterus not a welcome environment? Could it be there is some problem left over from the cornual pregnancy that was not visible by HSG or ultra-sound? I need answers and I need a resolution. I asked hubby tonight if the reason we did not get pregnant was due to our failure to attend church. He doesn't agree, but I wonder if I need to make sure every part of my life needs working on. I am not a smoker anymore, I don't drink, I try to eat right, I am not overweight. I am thinking about acupuncture for fertility and also looking into supplements that might improve my fertility. It may be far fetched, but I am desperate and I need to be pro-active so that I don't get mired down in sadness and hopelessness. I am 40 almost 41 and that sucks big time.