Hanging on

I am still hanging on, sometimes its by a thread. I keep expecting to feel better as each day passes, but instead the hurt seems worse. My period all bu stopped as of yesterday, now its only slight spotting again. What the heck...spotting, a 3 day period, more spotting. My pains on the right side have not left me alone, in fact they seem to be lingering longer than usual. Very annoying.
I had a serious talk with hubby today. I explained my theory about why implantation did not happen and as he is familiar with my pain he agreed that it sounds possible. Possibly that the pain is caused by scar tissue which interferes with implantation. I also told him that his refusal to discuss this loss has led to my feelings of loneliness and isolation. I explained to him that I feel as I am the only one who wants a baby still, that I am the only one that wants to continue on this journey. He said he was just waiting to hear the RE lay it all out for us. I explained that I need to him to verbalize to me if he is still on board. I need to hear him say it. He told me that he did still want a baby with me, he still wants us to try and hopefully succeed with a healthy pregnancy and baby. He just wants the facts before he allows himself to get his hopes up again. He agrees that we should make sure the RE understands about my recurrent pain in the right side and hopefully convince him to explore it to determine if that is the reason nothing has worked yet. I mean we both agree, I respond well to meds, eggs - good, sperm - good, fertilization - good, cell division - good, implantation - not so good. That's where it all went bad, so why is that? I will not be content until I get a real answer that I can live with, and I am not ready to give up yet.
I know I sound like a broken record but until Feb 20th comes along and we get to meet with the RE I just have this outlet for my feelings and thoughts. So either I bore whoever may chance by this blog or I implode from all the swirly mixed up emotions.