I have an appointment

I called the Re's office today and had to leave a message for my nurse. She called me back several hours later and explained the scheduling for the Lap. surg. As it is not an emergency and my pain is annoying but manageable I was able to get an appt. for April 10th. I know .... it seems like forever away but its really not. I have to call her when I start my next period so she can get me a prescription for birth control pills. Crazily enough it is important so that my cycle can be timed for the surgery as my uterus and other girl parts need to be at a certain cycle point and without the pill it would be hard to pin - point. I hate it but if it means the RE is better able to search and diagnose my pain and the cause then I will suck it up. In the meantime maybe hubby and I can make a baby on our own. We are definitely going to give it the old college try.

We went and dropped off all of our tax info to our accountant today so we had some time to talk in the car. We talked about where we each are on the fly. Basically where we both are on a gut level without the benefit and research. Hubby would rather pursue donor egg IVF, because our chance of success are so much greater. Me I want to be able to do at least one more IVF cycle with my eggs and if that does not work I think I could walk away from it knowing we had given it our all. At that point I would want to try donor egg IVF. So I am greedy, I want the option of both, crazy expensive. Fortunately we don't have to make that decision until after my Lap. surg. It was a tremendous relief for me to be able to express my feelings about where we are and what it does to me. I will be going into more detail on that later, the donor might be completely normal for the first 30 yrs of their life and then BAM! they could go psycho. Huh? He said what if the donor became psycho, what if we didn't know and our child could get psycho DNA. Has he forgotten that I have battled depression since I was 14 yrs old and that on occasion I have been accused of being psycho.

My pain is still here and it still seems worse when I sit for any period of time, when I stretch my body out straight the pain lessens. Who knows. I had a couple of revelations about myself today regarding my sense of self.