Baseline

I went for my first official IVF appt today. Back up to last night around midnight...I finally decided to read all the literature that the RE gave, consent forms, information, etc. What do I find....oh crap....we forgot to get our blood tests done. They have to test you and your spouse for HIV, Hepatitis and a few other contagious diseases. The FDA requires this testing before they will allow any of your frozen embryos to be stored. Fortunately it did not affect our schedule and we were able to get the blood work done after the appt.
The appt. itself was almost mundane, I expected a little fanfare, you like some trumpets or a drum roll, but nope. Just strip from the waist down and lay on this table with the warmest paper sheet we offer, put your feet in the stirrups and relax. So I have a tiny cyst on each ovary but RE says its no big deal so we are good to go. We met with the IVF nurse who had to witness our signatures saying that if we don't pay they will claim any conceived children and will auction them off to cover any remaining debt...LOL
Fri, January 11th we begin our meds, I have the joy of receiving 2 shots every evening until my next appt, on Wed, January 16th. We begin our cocktail with 360 units of Follistim and 1cc of Menopur, sounds tasty huh.
I have put in a request for a prescription for some Emala(sp?) creme for my butt before we start the PIO shots, the nurse just laughed at me. Fortunately for her she avoided being slapped due to the fact that she herself is a veteran IVF'r, but she said she would ask the DR. I also asked why a complimentary prescription of Xanax is not included with this IVF protocol as I believe everyone would benefit from me being on it...LOL. As I sure my stress level will continue to rise during this process I figure a little sedation might be good for my little egg friends, you know to kind of dull the roar they hear coming from me periodically. I love me some Tylenol PM, wonder if that is contraindicated, couldn't get an answer about that, I guess I will have to rely on my own super Internet sleuthing to find out.
I really want this IVF to work the 1st time and part of me thinks it will. I have to think that way to get through this, but what if it doesn't, I am so afraid it wont. I mean there are no guarantees, but we did find out that my RE's office has one of the highest success rates in the country. Pretty cool! Maybe he has some cool mojo going on and meets with the embryos prior to transfer. So tonight is my last night of freedom, tomorrow my body becomes a very expensive science project...stay tuned

Day 1

I took my last b/c pill last night and already I am spotting. I expect my uterus to be falling out by tomorrow night if the past is any indication of the future. Then onto Thurs. for my baseline appt. with the RE.
Is it ok that I am envious of all these celebrities that are announcing their pregnancies? I mean don't get me wrong, I have two amazing children already, does it make me greedy that I want one more? I am truly happy to read that Halle Berry is preggo and Nicole Kidman too. Like the rest of the world I am well aware that they have both been hoping to conceive their 1st children for a long time. Nicole has to adopted children so this is her 1st bio child. But then I read about Lilly Allen, Jessica Alba and lastly Jamie Lynn Spears and it makes me go....WTF! They are all young, unmarried and weren't planning on being parents for a while. I would bet money that each of the those pregnancies was accompanied by and "Oh S**t" before it sunk in and they accepted it. Here I am 40, old in comparison to them and I have be trying to conceive for over 2 yrs, I know that's not a long time compared to many, but I only have so much time before my eggs expire.
It just kills me to read about young teen girls getting pregnant and thinking that a baby will solve their loneliness, will keep a boyfriend around, will fix whatever is empty inside them. They have no clue how much work a child takes to raise. How it changes every aspect about your life. They just seem so cavalier about the situation. And then there are others like myself who are praying nightly for a child to love and raise, who can't wait to be pregnant and experience all the changes our bodies will go through. I am 40, my body will never be 16,22 or even 30 again and that is fine with me....just give me one healthy baby Lord.

Happy New Year....and the countdown begins

The new year started out alright. Now if the rest of 2008 would kindly follow suit and stay in step I would be ever so grateful.
Now on to the good stuff, well not good, but scary. I ordered my meds for the IVF and they arrived on Friday. Can I just say that there is nothing joyous about a package filled with 35 1 1/2 inch needles in it. Yep, that's the size, 22 gauge, I might as well have gone to Mickey D's and swiped a handful of their drinking straws as they are roughly the same size and lets face it, the straws are way more colorful and cheerful. As we already have our stash of Follistim and HCG we only had to order the Menapur (sp) and the Ganirelix (sp) and my very favorite PIO (Progesterone in oil). I have my baseline U/S appt on Jan 10th and will be given instructions on when and how much of each med we are to start using. I say we to mean, Me - the recipient of horrible injections in my so very tender stomach and He - being my ever so accurate with a sharp object of a husband. From the little I re-call during my last visit and lets be honest here, I have not looked at the patient info packet they gave me, I will begin with the Follistim and Menapur injections in my stomach for several days. I will be seen every couple of days by the RE or rather my uterus and ovaries will be seen to determine how my eggs are coming along. Once they reach a certain size (Mars seems about right) then I will begin the Ganirelix also in the stomach...fun fun. But that is only the beginning folks. At such time that my eggs measure equal to the planet Neptune I will be given one of my favorite cocktails, the HCG injection in the rear, not to be confused with a shot of tequila, it goes down a little smoother but still stings like tequila and leaves a nice tender bruised spot on my butt, just like when I have had too much tequila, but there is no great buzz to go with it and I have yet to get my husband to add salt and suck a lime when administering it. Not sure how it works after that, but I get to be asleep for it, the retrieval of said planets from my ovaries. Being put to sleep and getting to take the day off from work are the only benefits that I am looking forward to at this point. I will save the excitement I feel about the PIO for another day.

Merry Christmas & I feel like crap

Here's hoping for a Merry Christmas for all....in the meantime I feel like crap. Why you ask? Well, I've decided to chalk it up to these dag-nabit bc pills. They make me feel bad, ill, sick, not sure how else to explain it. I never had a problem with the bc pills I took many years ago as a teen and into my 20's. These are a different brand, so I am not sure if it's due to the brand or if it has to due with my age and hormonal makeup at this point in my life.

I just love a chilled uterus

Man oh man it was awesome........not! We had our IVF consult today. It started off with lovely greetings all around and then request to take my pants off and plant myself on the table, what a way to start the day. I asked the nurse what we are doing, she directed my eyes to the counter.....ugh...I should have remained ignorant. Dr. comes in, confirms that I started the birth-control pills on Dec 14th, I lay back and the fun begins. But first I have a question for him...why do I have this internal buzzing in the vicinity of my right ovary. Don't laugh, ever since I started these bc pills I have been experiencing this weird buzz, on more than one occasion I checked my pocket to make sure I didn't leave my cell phone in there on vibrate. Nope, that was not the case, as the buzzing continued intermittently, even in the bathtub and I can assure you although I might have a belly roll there are no pockets on my body. He takes a peek with the wonderful, light saber size vaginal ultra-sound wand and sees zip. So we decide that it's probably just the alarm on my biological clock and got a great laugh out of it.

Ok, back to the fun part, I get in position and he proceeds with an explanation of a saline infused ultra-sound. It involves a large tube, my cervix and a speculum. Ask me which was my favorite part of the equation. Pain, pain, ok I am not a wimp. I have given birth to two children vaginally with no pain medication, no problem. But I was young and stupid then, now I am old and chicken. He tells me he needs to know the depth of my uterus, no, you really don't I say. So my cervix and uterus were in no mood for this invasion. As I am trying to breathe through this what do I feel? My insides went strangely cold, very cold. Hello....um, what are you doing? Let's just say it was an interesting sensation, with the bonus of the cold fluid leaking out between my legs. During all this he's getting a measurement on my uterus and a nice look-see. My husband said it looked like fireflies flying around in there........HUH? It seemed like forever, but I will admit it probably lasted 5 minutes max. Let me tell you my uterus was cramping after that, not to mention the trail of water I was leaking onto the floor.

After dressing and walking slowly down the hall we met with the Dr. and then the IVF coordinator to get all the nitty-gritty details. Without dragging it out, we discussed the timeline and process, all the meds and finally the financial aspect of this process. We had a pretty good-idea of the basics, but still we had a moment of sticker-shock. After letting it all settle in we are confident in our decision to follow through with this method of becoming parents together. I am to stay on these awful femcon bc pills, taking my last one on Jan 6th with my first baseline ultrasound appt. scheduled for Jan 10. From there we will be instructed on medication dosages. We are looking at retrieval and transfer taking place the week of Jan 21. On that note I am going to soak in the hot bath in hopes of thawing out my uterus....Brrrrrrrrr

The beginning again

Well, the beginning is here again. I called the RE's office and confirmed that we wanted to accept their offer to move up our IVF to January 2008. They sent me a letter with a prescription for my birth control pills as my friend the period will undoubtedly start while we are in Maine next week. Speaking of Maine did I mention that I hate flying....I mean really hate it. Anxiety was upon me as I tried to go to sleep last night. How sad is that...my heart was pounding with the rush of adrenaline just thinking about getting on a plane. I mean who voluntarily goes to Maine in the winter? What is my dear husband thinking, taking me, I confirmed Southern girl to the most freezing place in my imagination. Anyway back to IVF, I start the pill on the 2nd day of my period and continue taking it till Jan 6. In the meantime we have our IVF consult on Dec 20th to get all the nitty-gritty info. My letter says they will do a trial retrieval then...what the heck is that. Oh, I know, another opportunity to put me through more pain....cause you know I am a glutton for pain, otherwise why would I continue to subject myself to this torture. I am assuming they will let me know what meds, doses and when I will start using these implements of torture. Oh the joy of having needles stabbed into my stomach at least twice a day....what a way to wake up. I have also read of some kind of oily progesterone shot I might have to get. Everything I read tells me that it's going to be awful. But I have convinced myself up to this point that it will all be worth it in the long run. Ask me later this month if that's still the case. Flip side...what if it doesn't work, then what? Will I be able to say it was worth it just to try and still end up with no baby? I am not sure about that. I have always been a "Failure is not an option" kind of person, but realistically I know that failure is out there and there are no guarantees that this will work. Some people really do all the right things and still end up with empty arms and no baby. For us adoption is something we have ruled out, don't get me wrong, I admire the people that adopt and the people that give their baby up for adoption. But for us, well we have set our limits financially and emotionally and at this point in time we are sticking with them. So now I count down the days till I start the pill.

Moving up

My RE's office called and asked if we would be interested in moving up our IVF schedule to January 2008 instead of February 2008. They had three cancellations and wanted to offer us this opportunity as they knew how eager we are to get this show on the road. We had this weekend to make up our mind, after discussing at length we have decided to take advantage of this blessing. We really have no reason to wait, it was only due to their scheduling. So I call on Monday to confirm. Not sure what this means as far as re-scheduling our consultation for in depth IVF explanation. I am still supposed to start taking the birth-control pill with my next period, which is due to start the middle of this month, unless our lowly tries at getting pregnant on our own worked...who am I kidding. So I will start the pill and then what ... I have no clue. So the IVF train will departing the station sooner than expected and we are thrilled...TOOT TOOT!!