The beginning again

Well, the beginning is here again. I called the RE's office and confirmed that we wanted to accept their offer to move up our IVF to January 2008. They sent me a letter with a prescription for my birth control pills as my friend the period will undoubtedly start while we are in Maine next week. Speaking of Maine did I mention that I hate flying....I mean really hate it. Anxiety was upon me as I tried to go to sleep last night. How sad is that...my heart was pounding with the rush of adrenaline just thinking about getting on a plane. I mean who voluntarily goes to Maine in the winter? What is my dear husband thinking, taking me, I confirmed Southern girl to the most freezing place in my imagination. Anyway back to IVF, I start the pill on the 2nd day of my period and continue taking it till Jan 6. In the meantime we have our IVF consult on Dec 20th to get all the nitty-gritty info. My letter says they will do a trial retrieval then...what the heck is that. Oh, I know, another opportunity to put me through more pain....cause you know I am a glutton for pain, otherwise why would I continue to subject myself to this torture. I am assuming they will let me know what meds, doses and when I will start using these implements of torture. Oh the joy of having needles stabbed into my stomach at least twice a day....what a way to wake up. I have also read of some kind of oily progesterone shot I might have to get. Everything I read tells me that it's going to be awful. But I have convinced myself up to this point that it will all be worth it in the long run. Ask me later this month if that's still the case. Flip side...what if it doesn't work, then what? Will I be able to say it was worth it just to try and still end up with no baby? I am not sure about that. I have always been a "Failure is not an option" kind of person, but realistically I know that failure is out there and there are no guarantees that this will work. Some people really do all the right things and still end up with empty arms and no baby. For us adoption is something we have ruled out, don't get me wrong, I admire the people that adopt and the people that give their baby up for adoption. But for us, well we have set our limits financially and emotionally and at this point in time we are sticking with them. So now I count down the days till I start the pill.