Busy

Today was busy. My lovely daughter woke up complaining of a headache and a stiff neck. I assumed the stiff neck was from sleeping on it funny and the headache was from the morning congestion, thinking back now, who wakes up with a headache, I should have paid better attention. Hubby took her to school as it was my turn to open the office. I sent her off with instructions to call me if it didn't get better. 30 minutes after she arrived at school the nurse called to let me know that she had a fever so off I went to pick her up. We were slightly concerned (stiff neck, fever and headache can mean meningitis) but after running through a few observations we determined that she probably just has a viral bug. I brought her home and gave her Motrin and Benedryl and she took a bath and went to sleep. My son stayed home with her while I went back to work for a little while. ( My office is literally 3 minutes from my house and son is 15 yrs old so I felt comfortable leaving) I brought the kids lunch and daughter got up, ate a bit and took more Motrin and went back to bed.

I made the decision to cook for dinner tonight. A miracle...last time I cooked was Feb 14, 2007, I hate cooking. Before going home I trekked to the store and bought groceries, it was foreign....I also hate grocery shopping. Arrived home to daughter still sleeping and son caught a ride to dance. The amazing thing about coming home early is the ability to get things done around the house. I really wanted to nap but knew if I laid down that would be it, I would crash. Instead I did laundry and prepared brownies with powered sugar Batman emblems on them...very cool! Daughter got up, took more Motrin and went back to sleep again, I made sure she was drinking so as to stay hydrated. I cooked and it was awesome, I can cook, I just choose not too. Daughter (R) ate chicken noodle soup after taking her 2nd bath of the day. She said the baths helped her aches in her bones. She was still running fever but seemed to be feeling a little better, I'm sure the sleep helped. She will stay home with Son (M) in the morning while I go into the office till noon and then we will take him to homeschool dance and she and I will come home and chill for the rest of the day. I think we will cook something for dinner together if she feels up to it, she loves to cook.

In the midst of all this we had someone call out sick today at work which is why I had to go back in after picking R up from school. Normally it wouldn't be a problem but we had visitors in the office today and that required a full staff.

For the past week I have been waking up with my hands and feet slightly swollen, usually this only happens right before my period and it subsides once I am up and moving. I am no where near starting my period and it never lasts more than a day or two, and its lasting all day. Weird. My hormones are probably so mixed up. I still want a baby, one baby, all these shows on TV about multiples and having 2 little ones visit have convinced me I am too old for more than one...LOL Sometimes I see myself pregnant again so clearly, it comes out of the blue, and other times it feels like it will never happen. I can see it in my mind and I feel it in my heart, my heart aches to love another child, to create a child with my husband. This weekend with visiting little ones brought home to me how wonderful my husband is with other children and I can only imagine how amazing he would be with ours. I so want to share that with him.





Niece E & R with C (little visitor) swinging in our backyard

Hibernation

So I have been in hibernation for the past two days. Not exactly like an ostrich with her head in the sand, more like a bear for the winter, you know surviving the harsh cold winter. I feel like I am in the middle of a winter of my soul.
I went into the office for a little over an hour today, it was awkward at best. Everyone was nice and no one brought up my sad news, believe me I was grateful. I did receive two calls from friends, not intrusive, just wanting to let me know they were thinking of me and were sorry. Hubby and I argued this morning before work. I just need some verbal and tactical support from him. He was great the night I started spotting, but now he has gone into his own hibernation and I need him present. As I wrote yesterday hubby has been sick as have kids, hubby thought he could do work today, but his body told him otherwise and he lasted less than 30 mins. I made the call and took the kids to the Dr. today. They both have bronchitis, so both received antibiotics and an inhaler. No school for either tomorrow so they will now have the weekend to heal. Actually something pretty cool is going on for my son tomorrow. He is 14 to be 15 yrs old next month, he is home-schooled because he is a dancer. He has the opportunity to take a Master Class with the Hermitage Ballet. They are a major company out of Russia. Tomorrow evening we are going to see their first US performance. We really look forward to this family evening.
As for my hormonal situation, well, I have been cramping on and off, and very slight pink spotting a very few times today. Mainly its my lower back, its killing me. My first inclination was to call the RE if I still haven't started by tomorrow, but since I am fairly sedentary I have decided to wait till Monday. If I am still only experiencing the scant spotting and haven't started the full on flood then I will call then. I figure what can it hurt and the longer I go without bleeding the more valid my concern over the lack of bleeding since my beta test was negative. Call me crazy but I am praying for a miracle. I don't want to be in denial and I have actually prayed for the bleeding to start if its really going to. This spot here, spot there is such a bore, it drags the whole process out for me, it makes it hard to move forward or to accept the answer I didn't want. Anyone have a clue as to why this would be happening. Today, Thursday was day 30 from the first day of my last period.