Lots of thinking to do

I have so much on my mind. I had a follow up appt. with my General Physician (GP) today. He just wanted to keep track of what is going on with me. He looked at my belly-button and assured me that I needed to wait till my next surgery to have it repaired. After going over my diagnosis with him he stated that removing my fallopian tube is going to lessen our chances of conceiving. I know this already, and his words keep playing over and over in my head. I have so many doubts and questions. I don't want to cut my chances of conception in half at this point in my life, my chances are already lower than I want them to be. We really can't afford to do IVF again, although I know hubby will make it happen for us if its what I really want. Sometimes I wonder if we should try on our own for 2 months to see if we can get pregnant by ourselves. What if my quitting smoking a few months ago increases our chances of conception? Last time we got pregnant I had cut down significantly. We haven't really been able to try on our own since the IVF in January, there was a slight chance in February but then all the pain began.

I have to believe that if I have reasonable doubt about whether to have this surgery at this time than I probably shouldn't. Unfortunately its not reversible, once I give the ok, its done and there goes half my fertility. I am not ready to give it up, I am about preserving it. I have had faith and felt very comfortable and happy with my treatment by my RE up till this point. Now I have to wonder if this is the best choice for me at this time.

The kids had a dance competition this weekend. It was amazing. Everyone did so well and I am so proud of my two. The Pas de deux that my son did with his dance partner received the highest marks this weekend. It may seem selfish of me to want another child when I already have two perfect, healthy children. It is selfish, but I want to share the joy of having a child with my husband. I want to share the wonder of pregnancy, and babyhood, and childhood with my husband.

My daughter, the personal back stomper for sore dancers...

My son and his partner....one of their many lifts.