It's the little things

Today the little things made me happy. I did not go to work today, my head was still hurting and my dear wonderful hubby, who is also my boss was completely ok with that. I would like to think that he got it and understood that this huge knot and cut on the side of my head was not a joke. So I was able to sleep more as I did not sleep well during the night due to my head hurting. When I did get up I watched a little tv and cleaned both the master and hall bathroom upstairs. It took me about twice as long as it normally would but I just wasn't up to pushing myself with this headache. I was able to watch some more tv before it was time to pick the kids up from dance. We then met my Mom and hubby and my best friend for dinner. Hubby has been especially attentive since last night. We had a blow-out after my injury. It's been a longtime coming as we have not been on the same page for a few weeks. I swear I have tried but he has been so wrapped up in work issues (yes, I understand and I have been supportive)but he has been distant. After our blow-out which involved me screaming and crying and telling him I don't feel important (I cited examples), the light clicked and he seems to have gotten it. I don't expect perfection, nor do I expect to always be the center of his universe, but I do need to feel that there are times when I will come first. I felt that my head wound counted as an instance of importance.



The kids are busy with dance, recital is coming up soon and they both take performing seriously. Lovely daughter's pointe shoes were ordered today and they should be in by Wed. She is soooo excited and she is soooo ready. This week is also CRCT testing for the county for her grade and several others and she gets a little nervous as doing well is important to her. Son is counting down the days till school is over for him. Even though I homeschool him I keep his schedule in sync with daughter's as it it makes holidays easier. 10th grade next year, I cannot believe how quickly he has grown up.



Another random photo for today....




This is from a dance competition about 5 years ago, which would make daughter 5 yrs and son 10 yrs. They were sooo cute and little then.

Up and coming

We had the most fabulous time in Jax, Fla. at the kid's dance competition. They both did really well and the team as a whole placed 1st or 2nd in every category. My son even came home to friend requests on his myspace account from girls from another studio they competed against. It's that charm, winning smile and amazing dance skills he inherited from me...LOL

"Imagine"

My daughter in the very center

"Remember the Name"

Son, the only boy in the pic

I had my pre-op appt. with my RE on Monday. He did an ultrasound and didn't really have much to say about it. I assume everything looked the way he hoped or he would have said otherwise. He feels I am barking up the wrong tree and that he wont find anything, I on the other hand know in my heart something is not right. There is no reason for me to be in pain if something weren't wrong. He met with us after the u/s and described the procedure. He will be going in through my belly-button, and possibly another spot right above my pubic line. He will taking a good look-see through out, internal and external uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes. Any scar tissue, adhesion's and endo he will laser. Anything more he wont do at the time unless it is imminently life threatening, otherwise he will wake me up and we will discuss if I need something else done. It's day surgery so I will go home after I am stable and am to rest for 4 days. At this point I am optimistically nervous and basically ready to just get this over with and get an answer.

I had an Epiphany today regarding my depression and how it feels like it is hot on my tail. It made complete sense, but I will go into later.

April 1st....41 in 3 days

Yep, I will be 41 yrs old in 3 days...I wish it was an April Fools joke but no such luck. Actually I should be grateful to be blessed to still be here on this earth. No one is promised tomorrow.
I am counting down the days till my Lap. surg on April 10th.
The kids have a dance competition this weekend. I usually love competition time, but not this year. There is so much going on for us, Competition in another state, then their Father wants to then take them from competition to his house in Fla. for Spring Break. It's just a logistical and packing nightmare. We have to travel with quite a bit of luggage for costumes and to have to pack extra clothes for time with their Dad just means extra bags and more laundry prior to the trip. Normally I don't bitch about their visits with their Dad, normally Spring Break and competitions don't coincide. To top all that off son wants to come home early from his Dad's so he can celebrate his Birthday with his cousins from out of town. They will be traveling through the weekend after competition and son desperately wants to see his cousins and have a belated Birthday celebration with them. To do this cuts down the time the kids spend with their Dad over Spring Break. It all comes down to bad timing and I'm leaving it up to son as I try my best not to interfere with visitation. Their Father usually wants me to meet him half-way to pick up kids from visitation, and usually that is not a problem. But, now that son wants to come home early for family visit it is a huge issue, the day they would need to come home is the day of my surgery. Pretty obvious that I will not be able to drive (half-way point round trip is 6 hrs), hubby will be taking care of me post-op and my Mother has to work that night (she's a nurse) and she has to sleep during the day. All of these factors mean my Ex would have to bring the kids all the way home and then drive back either the same day or the next and that wont work for him. See its one big confusing, stressful mess and what would normally not faze me has me twisted and unable to relax. It doesn't help that I am still in pain, but hey, my fever blister is almost gone so I am less ogreish in appearance.
All the fertility stuff seems to have taken a back seat right now, at least physically and for everyone else but me. It is always in my heart and mind. I am trying to remain focused, positive and strong in my faith.