Taking time

I have been taking some time to try and organize my life. My Sister and I have made peace, I just needed time to be angry and sad for me. On the fertility front not much has been going on. We did our last medicated cycle in February, obviously it did not work. I am at peace with it. Hubby and I have been in contemplation over our next step, I have reached my conclusion and know the direction I want to go. Hubby still needs a little more time. I am trying not to rush him, but I have only so much time to float in the boat with no paddles. I need a direction, either we move forward in our journey to have a child or we stop. I want to continue, my heart still aches as do my arms, but I will respect Hubby's feelings regarding his decision. It will not make or break our marriage.

The reason for the rush is my depression, it is rearing it's head and I only have so much time left before I will need to get back on my meds. I take Elavil and it is not compatible with pregnancy, has been known to cause birth defects and I am not willing to risk it. Unfortunately Elavil is the only medication that helps my depression, nothing and I mean I have tried about everything, nothing else works. So I hold on for a bit longer as Hubby thinks things through and we make a joint decision.

My 42nd Birthday is coming up...UGH!!!!....and my son just turned 16yrs old. I am so proud of him, he is amazing. I find myself missing that sweet snuggley little boy he once was, now he is big enough for me to sit on his lap...:) Before I know it my dear sweet daughter will be all grown up too.

Happy 16th Birthday M!

No change

Nothing much has changed as far as my pain issues go. My flank pain only rears its head toward the end of the day, my abdominal pain is pretty much constant with the intensity fluctuating. I am so over this, its pathetic, I cannot wait to have this Lap. surgery and get some answers and hopefully relief.
My son had his 15th Birthday on Saturday...why do they have to grow up so fast? Due to the Holiday weekend we weren't able to go to the DMV till yesterday to get his Learners Permit. He was so nervous but he had studied so I felt confident he would do well. It was awesome...he passed with flying colors. His face lit up when he saw me after he was finished. I was and am still filled with pride in him. After he got his picture taken and his permit handed to him I handed him the keys and asked him if he was ready to drive. He could not believe I was actually going to let him drive...he was soooo excited. I have to say he has been very receptive to instruction and is actually a very good driver. He is cautious and shows great awareness, I hope that that will continue as we have this year to prepare for him to get his actual Drivers License. In the meantime I kind of like being able to sit in the passenger seat.