Infertility

This blog started as a way for me to document my thoughts, feeling and events regarding my journey with secondary infertility. I feel like I have gotten off track lately. Explanation...I took myself off the path of infertility for a bit...for my sanity. Infertility is still there and it rears its head every month, but with the pain, Lap surgery I had to remove myself somewhat. I just could not deal with infertility every day. Maybe it's because I already have two children, some may not agree, but the desperation for one more child is very real. I know what I am missing out on if I never get pregnant again. I don't want to miss that, but then again I have been evaluating where I am and the very real possibility that it might not happen for us. As hard as it is I have to face that and come up with a game plan for my mental health if that happens. Flip side ~ I cannot afford to lose myself in this pursuit ~ I have two children that still need me as a presence in their lives. I can't be absent from them in trying to create a possibility.
I am coming to terms that I may never get to be a Mom again. I am trying to be OK with it and try it on for size.
We are not ready to give up yet and refuse to make any decisions until after I have healed from my upcoming tube removal. Who knows maybe once this is over we may conceive all on our own ~ stranger things have happened. We may continue to try with medical intervention, great or small. Or we may just stop. Either way I can't focus on it too much at this time so I instead choose to redirect my attentions to other things.

In the meantime my fallopian tube pain is back ..... again...bad. It sucks eggs big time and I am at the point where I cannot wait for this surgery. I am ready to be pain-free. Hubby and I have come to the conclusion that the bc pills seem to exacerbate this SIN ( salpinitis isthmica nodosa ). I seems it is most intense when I am on the pill (prior to surgery or IVF) that it is the worst. I wonder if anyone else has experienced anything else like this.