Happy Birthday to Me!!!

It's officially my Birthday...it's after midnight so it counts in my book. Last night was a crappy night for me. It's been a long time since I had a major meltdown, years in fact. Tonight the old crap reared its ugly head. I have battled depression since I was 14 yrs old, it has been a horrific experience at times. Sometimes I could keep the face and stay strong and often I could barely keep my head above water. I have been off my anti-depressants for 2 years and have managed to keep an even keel so far. This new battle I have been facing, the battle with secondary age related infertility has been kicking my emotional and physical butt. I can't give up or give in, but my guard was down tonight and I melted into a raging puddle. I am embarrassed to admit that my children were present and they were upset because I was upset. When I had calmed down and composed myself I had to take time with each child and apologize (no I was not abusive in any way during my meltdown). I had to apologize for upsetting them and also explain a little about my depression and the strain I am under. Not too many details, but they were already aware that I have battled depression so I just explained how it can take a toll on your mind and body. They are ok now, it was sad for all of us. I promised them that I was not going to be defeated by my depression and that they are my strength to always keep fighting.
We head out of town tomorrow for the kids dance competition, I am not looking forward to the trip but I can't wait to see the kids dance. They inspire me and make me sooo proud to be their Mom.
Happy 41st Birthday to Me!!!